I Get To

Weekly reflections from Pure Pawsitivity • Week 10

“I have to” and “I get to” can sometimes describe the exact same moment.

What I Learned This Week

It was 105 degrees in October in Arizona, and I was standing outside filling the giant glass water jugs we use at home.

When they're full, they're about 60 pounds apiece.

Normally, there's not much thought involved in this task.

I have to go get water.

But this time, while I was standing there sweating and waiting, this pesky little sentence popped into my head:

"I get to do this."

and I'm like...

"What the hell does that mean?"

Nothing had changed.

Same water.
Same heat.
Same weight.
Same me.

But, I started looking around.

I was outside.

I was moving.

I was stretching.

I was about to carry something heavy.

I had a few minutes alone.

I could listen to music, an audiobook, or absolutely nothing.

None of those things needed to be added to my day.

They were already inside the thing I was trying to get through.

The task, the chore.

And that got me wondering:

What do I get to do that I keep calling “have to”? 

Watch This Week's Presentation

I Get To | Pawsitivity Presentation #10

This isn't about forcing myself to be grateful for everything.

Sometimes things suck.

Sometimes I'm tired.

Sometimes I really don't want to do the thing.

I'm just wondering whether a responsibility can take something from me and give something to me at the same time.

[WATCH PAWSITIVITY PRESENTATION #10]

The Four Pillars

Perspective

“I have to” and “I get to” may sometimes describe the exact same event from two different angles.

Both can be true.

Awareness

Notice the things I've started treating only as chores, responsibilities, inconveniences, or interruptions.

Not to judge them.

Just to notice them.

Action

When I catch myself tightening around an “I have to,” pause.

No forced gratitude.

Maybe just an exhale.

Maybe I'm still annoyed.

Will

Stay willing to participate in the life that's actually happening.

Instead of constantly trying to get through it so life can begin.

The Animal in Front of Me

Our animals ask things from us constantly.

Feed me.

Walk me.

Let me outside.

Throw this.

Stop what you're doing.

Pay attention to me.

And sometimes they annoy the shit out of me.

Rosa screams at me when Momma is preparing her food.

Opal starts a psychological cold war until somebody throws her toy.

Carlito is five pounds and approaches unfamiliar dogs with the confidence of a man with excellent health insurance.

Lokah eats Edan's clothes.

Not lies on them.

Eats them.

I don't enjoy every interruption.

But during the presentation, that thought brought me back to Chase.

Chase was our 110-pound German Shepherd. We lost him when he was only four.

Near the end of his life, his back end became paralyzed.

I had a harness that went underneath him. He would walk with his front legs while I carried the rest of him.

It was fucking hard.

But he was still Chase.

Still funny.

Still happy.

Every time I picked up that harness, we were still together.

At the time:

I had to carry Chase.

Looking back:

I got to carry Chase.

Both are true.

I'd take that harness again right now.

And that's the part of this I'm trying to understand.

I don't want to have to lose something every time before I understand what I had.

Weekly Thought

What do I get to do that I keep calling “have to”?

I'm not turning this into a rule.

I'm not trying to replace every have to with get to.

Maybe I just notice the tightening.

Come on, Carlito.

Not now.

I have to...

And if I catch it, maybe I exhale.

Nothing magical has to happen.

I might still be annoyed.

The responsibility might still be heavy.

But for one second, I might notice what's actually here. 

Keep Exploring

While I was researching this presentation, I found something interesting about walking our dogs.

People often describe walking primarily as something they're doing for the dog. The dog needs something, so we show up.

But buried inside that responsibility can be movement, time outside, stress relief, time to think, connection, and shared enjoyment.

The animal needs something from me, and somehow, in meeting that need, I receive something too. 

[EXPLORE THE DOG-WALKING RESEARCH]

That same mirror came up this week during our Pure Pawsitivity Podcast conversation with Erica Coston, author, educator, and community herbalist for the whole family.

We talked about how humans and animals don't occupy neat, separate worlds.

We share environments, water, household products, and even parts of our microbial world.

That fascinated me.

A lot of the questions Edan and I have asked about our own environment started because we were trying to help our animals.

Sometimes I ask a question for their health.

Eventually, the question turns around and looks at me. 

[WATCH OUR CONVERSATION WITH ERICA COSTON]

Eventually, I'll be standing at that water machine again.

Same giant jugs.

Same weight in my hands.

Maybe slightly less Arizona heat if October finally gets its shit together.

Nothing really changed.

Except maybe I'll catch it a little sooner.

“I have to” is sometimes just “I get to” before I understand what I have.

Keep Practicing With Us

If this made you look at your animal a little differently, that's enough.

Pawsitivity in Practice is where we keep sharing what we're learning each week through our animals, the shop, the podcast, the research, and the questions that follow us home.

Pure Pawsitivity™

Learning in public by paying attention to the animal in front of us.